Keep On Rockin' Me, Baby

J.Q. does not get classical. He does not get Barney or The Wiggles or godforsaken Raffi. My boy gets ORIGINAL ARTISTIC CREATIONS! Well, that's not entirely accurate. He gets an assortment of minor pop hits from the last several decades, reworked by mama in the silliest possible manner. I am basically like an a capella bar band. Some favorite selections:

Nirvana... "In The Crib"

My boy, my boy, don't lie to me
Tell me where did you sleep last night
In the crib, in the crib, I drool so much, I need a bib
Or I will shiver the whole night through

My boy, my boy, where will you go
I'm going to where the warm milk flows
To the boob, to the boob, it is round and not a cube
And I will eaaaaat, the whole night through

Public Enemy... "Baby Food is a Joke"

Get up and get, get down
Baby food is a joke in yo town
Get up and get, get down
They feed ya squash you better throw it on the, the ground

I'm still working on another P.E. cover, "Fuck Tha Strained Peas".

The Beatles... "Norwegian Prune"

I once had a prune
Or should I say, I once had two
I put them on a spoon
You laughed like a loon
I fed them to you
Oh, isn't it gooood
Gerber baby fooood

Note: this was the LAST thing which was funny about feeding my child prunes. I have no idea why I did such a thing. I think I assumed that "prunes will make you poop" was an urban legend, like "green M&Ms are an aphrodisiac" or "Mountain Dew reduces sperm count". In this case assuming not only made an "ass" out of "u" and "me", but it also made my son's crib resemble that scene in "Dogma" where the shit-monster is killed via grenade launcher.

"Turkey and Sweet Potato Suite" (an original!)

We just had some sweet potatoes
We just had some turkey, too
They used to both live on a farm
Now they're both inside of you!

First we take the sweet potato
We dig it up out of the ground
We put it in a jar in the store
Where it is more easily found

(Chorus)

Next we've got to have some turkey
It tastes good with butter and spice
But before we can eat the turkey
We gotta do something not so nice

We've got, got, got, to kill the turkey
We'll chop, chop, chop, its neck in two
But it's okay to kill the turkey
'Cause we're omnivores and it's what we do

(Chorus)