Advice You Didn't Ask For - #1
Coffee...
1. Starbucks coffee is burnt coffee. You might as well suck on a charcoal briquette (which is probably the only thing in the world capable of getting the taste of Starbucks coffee out of your mouth).
2. Let the water cool off for about thirty seconds after it comes to a boil before pouring it over the grounds.
3. Pour in just enough water to just cover the grounds, let it drip through, THEN pour the rest.
4. Special marginally-related pet peeve: people who ask diner waitresses whether the coffee's "fresh" or not (att'n mom: I kid because I love. Also, I will buy you an ass-kicking Mother's Day present to make up for the kidding). It's DINER COFFEE, not a freaking Perigord truffle (which, come to think of it, is probably improved by sitting around, not to mention a soupcon of dirt and pig saliva). It's $0.79! You're in a diner! Odds are it's fresh; even if it's been sitting in the pot long enough to mutate into a sentient life form, crawl into your cup and request an offering of burnt Sweet 'n Low packets in a Charlton Heston-esque voice, your server is going to lie and tell you, "Oh, yeah, just put on a new pot!"
Babies Who Drive You Crazy By Refusing To Nurse...
1. Re: Gypsies. They prefer to be called Romani. Their supposed willingness to purchase infants is a myth. I know, I was disappointed too.
2. You will KNOW when the baby is latched on. It's a firm, tight seal, like getting your nipple stuck in a little bitty FoodSaver. No one - doctors, nurses, lactation consultants - EVER told me this. As a result, I was spending literally hours each day with a hungry, increasingly-irritated infant ineffectively mouthing my boob.
3. If your baby still refuses to latch, EVER, despite a solid week of trying... give it a rest. Keep pumping, get someone else to feed the kiddo pumped milk while you eat Pop-Tarts and weep with frustration, but don't drive yourself and your baby crazy with a nursing battle royale at every single feeding. Try once a day, once a week... hell, once every two weeks. Some babies just need a little time before they're willing/able to latch; forcing the issue frustrates everyone involved. I realize that no two situations are identical and this goes contrary to a lot of lactation consultants' advice, but giving up the drill-instructor-in-"Full Metal Jacket"-style breastfeeding encouragement worked for my son, who finally latched at five weeks and is now capable of crawling across the room, yanking up my shirt and jamming a boob in his mouth like an overstuffed sandwich (Rack on Rye? Jahooby 'n Jarlsberg?).
4. Formula feeding isn't the end of the world, nor does it make you any less of a mother. Initiating breastfeeding is an enormous pain in the ass (and tits), and it takes place during a time in your life when you're uniquely unsuited to deal with even another molecule of stress or anxiety. Sometimes, whether a baby nurses or not just comes down to serendipity. Think of it this way: formula-feeding is one of those things about which you'll eventually stop feeling guilty (unlike, say, shooting a man in Vegas just to watch him die). How about starting NOW? Give nursing a month or two... as long as your psyche and body can withstand. After that, kiss and cuddle your baby, hug him and blow kisses on his fat little tummy, huff big lungfuls of baby-scent from his tiny, fuzzy head. Do NOT feel guilty.
White Button Mushrooms...
1. Scrub 'n slice. Slices can be somewhat haphazard; anything from "mushroom which cut itself shaving" to "particle of mushroom small enough to be used in homoeopathy" is just fine.
2. Stick a non-Teflon skillet on the stove and heat it up until it's medium-hot...ish. Flick some water/diet soda in there; if it sizzles, your pan is hot enough. At this point, you may wish to sing Buster Poindexter's classic tune "Hot Hot Hot".
3. Toss in a wad of butter and a couple of squirts of olive oil. Mix 'em up with a spatula. The oil prevents the butter from burning, the butter prevents the mushrooms from tasting like crap. It's a beautiful symbiosis, like those little fish who eat aquatic mites off of other, larger fish. Wait a minute: that's disgusting. These mushrooms will taste nothing like oceanic mites, I assure you.
4. Toss in all of your sliced mushrooms All of them! Unless they're spilling out onto the burner and igniting and scaring the female children (and impressing the male ones). Stir to coat with melted fat medley.
5. Cook and stir and cook and stir and cook and stir. Stir every two minutes or so. Cook for a loooooong time. If you're drumming your nails on the countertop and muttering, "Fuckin' mushrooms, I'm just gonna go to Wendy's and get a Mushroom-Wenselydale Melt, damn it to hell"... you're still not done cooking.
6. When - and ONLY when - 80% of the mushrooms have nice, golden-brown markings (sounds like a nature film, no? "The Eastern White Button-hawk is characterized by its distinctive golden-brown markings. It is also delicious with onions."), pour in 1/4 cup of white wine (vermouth is nice. Cooking wine is the urine of Satan). Stir like a crack-addled Keebler Elf until all of the crusty goodness adhering to the pan has been dislodged. Salt 'n pepper to taste.
Att'n Readers: feel free to comment with your OWN helpful unsolicited advice. Well, I guess I'm kind of soliciting it NOW, so... um... yeah. Got a top-secret trick for dealing with tea, babies who scream like Steven Tyler being sucked into a turbine engine or cooking shitakes (or any non-beverage, baby or fungus subject)? Cough it up!
1. Starbucks coffee is burnt coffee. You might as well suck on a charcoal briquette (which is probably the only thing in the world capable of getting the taste of Starbucks coffee out of your mouth).
2. Let the water cool off for about thirty seconds after it comes to a boil before pouring it over the grounds.
3. Pour in just enough water to just cover the grounds, let it drip through, THEN pour the rest.
4. Special marginally-related pet peeve: people who ask diner waitresses whether the coffee's "fresh" or not (att'n mom: I kid because I love. Also, I will buy you an ass-kicking Mother's Day present to make up for the kidding). It's DINER COFFEE, not a freaking Perigord truffle (which, come to think of it, is probably improved by sitting around, not to mention a soupcon of dirt and pig saliva). It's $0.79! You're in a diner! Odds are it's fresh; even if it's been sitting in the pot long enough to mutate into a sentient life form, crawl into your cup and request an offering of burnt Sweet 'n Low packets in a Charlton Heston-esque voice, your server is going to lie and tell you, "Oh, yeah, just put on a new pot!"
Babies Who Drive You Crazy By Refusing To Nurse...
1. Re: Gypsies. They prefer to be called Romani. Their supposed willingness to purchase infants is a myth. I know, I was disappointed too.
2. You will KNOW when the baby is latched on. It's a firm, tight seal, like getting your nipple stuck in a little bitty FoodSaver. No one - doctors, nurses, lactation consultants - EVER told me this. As a result, I was spending literally hours each day with a hungry, increasingly-irritated infant ineffectively mouthing my boob.
3. If your baby still refuses to latch, EVER, despite a solid week of trying... give it a rest. Keep pumping, get someone else to feed the kiddo pumped milk while you eat Pop-Tarts and weep with frustration, but don't drive yourself and your baby crazy with a nursing battle royale at every single feeding. Try once a day, once a week... hell, once every two weeks. Some babies just need a little time before they're willing/able to latch; forcing the issue frustrates everyone involved. I realize that no two situations are identical and this goes contrary to a lot of lactation consultants' advice, but giving up the drill-instructor-in-"Full Metal Jacket"-style breastfeeding encouragement worked for my son, who finally latched at five weeks and is now capable of crawling across the room, yanking up my shirt and jamming a boob in his mouth like an overstuffed sandwich (Rack on Rye? Jahooby 'n Jarlsberg?).
4. Formula feeding isn't the end of the world, nor does it make you any less of a mother. Initiating breastfeeding is an enormous pain in the ass (and tits), and it takes place during a time in your life when you're uniquely unsuited to deal with even another molecule of stress or anxiety. Sometimes, whether a baby nurses or not just comes down to serendipity. Think of it this way: formula-feeding is one of those things about which you'll eventually stop feeling guilty (unlike, say, shooting a man in Vegas just to watch him die). How about starting NOW? Give nursing a month or two... as long as your psyche and body can withstand. After that, kiss and cuddle your baby, hug him and blow kisses on his fat little tummy, huff big lungfuls of baby-scent from his tiny, fuzzy head. Do NOT feel guilty.
White Button Mushrooms...
1. Scrub 'n slice. Slices can be somewhat haphazard; anything from "mushroom which cut itself shaving" to "particle of mushroom small enough to be used in homoeopathy" is just fine.
2. Stick a non-Teflon skillet on the stove and heat it up until it's medium-hot...ish. Flick some water/diet soda in there; if it sizzles, your pan is hot enough. At this point, you may wish to sing Buster Poindexter's classic tune "Hot Hot Hot".
3. Toss in a wad of butter and a couple of squirts of olive oil. Mix 'em up with a spatula. The oil prevents the butter from burning, the butter prevents the mushrooms from tasting like crap. It's a beautiful symbiosis, like those little fish who eat aquatic mites off of other, larger fish. Wait a minute: that's disgusting. These mushrooms will taste nothing like oceanic mites, I assure you.
4. Toss in all of your sliced mushrooms All of them! Unless they're spilling out onto the burner and igniting and scaring the female children (and impressing the male ones). Stir to coat with melted fat medley.
5. Cook and stir and cook and stir and cook and stir. Stir every two minutes or so. Cook for a loooooong time. If you're drumming your nails on the countertop and muttering, "Fuckin' mushrooms, I'm just gonna go to Wendy's and get a Mushroom-Wenselydale Melt, damn it to hell"... you're still not done cooking.
6. When - and ONLY when - 80% of the mushrooms have nice, golden-brown markings (sounds like a nature film, no? "The Eastern White Button-hawk is characterized by its distinctive golden-brown markings. It is also delicious with onions."), pour in 1/4 cup of white wine (vermouth is nice. Cooking wine is the urine of Satan). Stir like a crack-addled Keebler Elf until all of the crusty goodness adhering to the pan has been dislodged. Salt 'n pepper to taste.
Att'n Readers: feel free to comment with your OWN helpful unsolicited advice. Well, I guess I'm kind of soliciting it NOW, so... um... yeah. Got a top-secret trick for dealing with tea, babies who scream like Steven Tyler being sucked into a turbine engine or cooking shitakes (or any non-beverage, baby or fungus subject)? Cough it up!
Labels: The Compleat Thumbscrew
posted by thumbscre.ws at
5/11/2006
33 Comments:
RE: setting ceramic tiles in mortar. When mixing mortar, it's a good idea to put the water in the bucket first. If you pour the mix in the bucket and then add the water, the mix makes HUGE clumps at the bottom of the bucket that neither the mixing shovel nor a stick nor fervant pleas to the powers that be will dislodge and dissolve. If such a thing happens, just throw the whole mess away. On no account should you get so frustrated that you plunge your bare hands into the bucket of mortar mix and mix it that way.
IF you DO do this thing, you should expect that any small scrape that you have on your hands/arms will emerge from the mortar mix an angry, burning, swollen, weepy, throbbing red. And that people will take pictures of you, and they will laugh as they do so.
You have been warned.
Re: mushrooms -- never wash them, lest they soak up the water and then taste like a waterlogged piece of nothing. Just brush them off gently with a paper towel or vegetable brush.
Re: weightlifting -- ALWAYS use good form, every single time.
Re: law school -- just don't go because EVERY lawyer hates being a lawyer. And we all sit around, every day, during and after law school stating how much we hate being lawyers and how we thought life would be different and how SAD we are that being a lawyer isn't what we thought it would be (even though we knew, coming into the whole thing, that lawyers have the lowest job contentment rating of any other profession).
re: Mushrooms--Actually, a Cook's Illustrated experiment (which sounds not unlike something the thumbscre.ws labs would engage in) proved that mushrooms don't become waterlogged if you wash them (they weighed them before and after washing). They advise cleaning mushrooms by plunging them in water and drying off. I was glad to read that because I find the brushing/wiping method tedious. Also, I would add that once you've added the butter and oil to the pan, let it heat up well before adding the mushrooms, because not-hot oil is something they will absorb and that's just gross. Otherwise, yum..you've made me hungry for sauteed mushrooms.
Re: tea--My favorite beverage. Loose tea only, please. I'm convinced tea bags contain what is swept off of the tea room floor, if there is such a thing. Grainy, leftover tea particles, at best. Bring the water to a boil, pour a bit into the pot to warm it, swirl it around and pour it out, then pour the almost-boiling water over the tea leaves. I'm not brave enough to just throw the leaves in the pot without using a strainer the way the British do, because I don't want to let it sit there and get bitter after I've poured my first cup. I like my tea on the medium-intensity side, so I brew for about 3-4 minutes.
Re: social work school. See above re: law school. but with way less pay.
Wow, I feel like such a know-it-all. Thanks!
Re: Mushrooms. I almost always make mushrooms the way you describe, but without the wine. And instead of salt and pepper, I use a good amount of a good quality garlic salt--Penzey's is nice, I've been thinking of trying their Shallot Salt--put into the pan just a little earlier than the very end. My mom always made mushrooms like this to go with grilled steaks, but I make them with everything--pasta, chicken, bratwurst, hot dogs, rice--you name it, I eat these mushrooms with it.
Re: Rice. Everyone says it's easy to do on the stove, but the only true way to cook good sticky rice is with a rice cooker. And not a cheap one. Try Zojirushi (I think that's the spelling). Mine changed my life. Or at least, my rice-eating.
Re: Sandals. Sometimes my rubber sports-type sandals get stinky when it's hot out. To de-stink them, I use an old toothbrush and baking soda. A quick scrub in the sink or tub, and they're as good as new.
Re: law school. What Trista said. Might as well be a stripper instead. You'll make more money and you don't have to worry about your "clients" when you leave work.
Re: dealing with demanding, vain, unreasonable clients. Talk to them until you hear the voices in your head screaming at them, talk to them a little more, then say: Alright, Mr. so and so, I have a client meeting to get to so I have to say good bye now. Then do. Say goodbye. And hang up on them if necessary.
Woolite cleans anything! Use it on bathroom counters and floors to remove hairspray residue, with no scrubbing! Use it in the bath or shower to remove soap scum...no scrubbing.
I think I'm in love.
So, you dont use Teflon, but you eat Diet Coke and butter..? Yes, I realize Im an asshole, but you know Ive made my point.
I don't understand Foster's point?
That almost made me think about actually eating mushrooms. And "anything from 'mushroom which cut itself shaving' to 'particle of mushroom small enough to be used in homoeopathy' is just fine" is GENIUS.
My husband taught the baby to say "HOT HOT HOT" when asked "How ya feelin'?"
I started to see my husband in a whole new light the first time he served me coffee and it was goooood. Not too many people can do it right.
Re: inquiring after diner coffee etc. -- I know, right? One of my mothers-in-law (I've got two!) pulls this kind of thing all the time. Her specialty: asking the sullen college-student waitress in a complete dive to describe the cabernet. "Um, it's a red wine?"
No secrets to reveal tonight, I guess.
Wow, I can't wait to incorporate y'all's tips into my life (or NOT incorporate, in the case of law/social work school, although I already knew you couldn't possibly pay me enough to endure that kind of incessant frustration).
Foster: I don't use Teflon because you can't brown things properly in it. If I could get my steaks to develop a nice sear by frying them up on an arsenic-coated slab of asbestos, I'd probably do that.
Oh, and to make your head inch even closer to exploding, I let my one year-old have sips of Diet Coke, too. And he loves it.
Doc M: hee hee... on the flipside of that equation, a server at Perkin's once asked Mr. Thumbscrews, "So how would you like your chicken-fried steak cooked?" He wasn't really sure how to reply... "Um, fully?"
A woman who can run marathons, set her own busted nose, raise a HellBoy AND cure the sick has no interesting tips? Feh, I'll believe THAT when I see it!
harrrrUMPH! Maybe if I'd persisted a bit before giving up on nursing my firstborn, my beautiful little girl would not have grown up to BASH - in a PUBLIC FORUM such as THIS, no less - her Momma's polite attempts to get fresh-brewed coffee in a diner!!! Most diner waitresses, fortunately, are very polite in return and bring me freshly-dripped Lacas, which is almost as good as at-home Melitta.
Let's all SING NOW:
Mamas don't let your children grow up to be bloggers,
Don't let 'em dis Grandma and use the word "fuck,"
Make 'em be doctors and lawyers and such...
Speaking of coughing it up: if you have a cat who is a barfer (that's the official medical term used by my vet yesterday... barfer) then what you need is a dog, preferably a big black lab (although I'm sure any color would work just as well) who loves to eat cat pewk. It will keep you from having to clean it up yourself.
My father-in-law called his barfer-cat "Pukahontas." So, um, I advise you to do the same! Yes.
Mmm. Diet Coke and butter. Would it mix up like frosting? (And hey, ain't nothing wrong with butter!)
Shoot, why can't I think of...oh wait, here we go:
Really Big Crawdads
You need:
1 long stick
1 piece string (also long)
1 piece mesh (like what oranges come in)
5-6 pieces steak fat
1 good crawdad catching spot -- I recommend the intake to the El Dorado Reservoir, El Dorado, KS
Walk out into the middle of shallow running water (or use pylons if provided). Tie steak fat into mesh to make a little bag; attach to string. Tie string to stick. Dangle fat into water. Pull up enormous crawdads whose claws become entangled in mesh. Now go impress your cousins.
Holding Reptiles So As Not to Get Bit
Grab a snake right behind its head and let its body wrap around your arm; grab a lizard there too, but hang on to the base of its tail too (watch out, they're strong). Hold a turtle's shell above its front legs, unless it's a softshell or a snapper, in which case don't hold it at all.
Butter good. Margarine bad.
Stain removal (for water washable clothing)
Find a bar of "Fels Naptha." It's a laundry soap, but some confused stores will shelve it with the regular bar soaps. It's in a generic looking red & white wrapper. It's inexpensive, and one bar will last the better part of a year (even with toddlers, a.k.a. walking stain magnets, in the house)
Rinse stained portion of clothing in cold water, rub Fels liberally over stain. Wash with other laundry.
There is nothing in this world that Fels won't take out of clothing. (unless you've already washed it and run it through a dryer cycle, then it's a crapshoot)
Hydrogen peroxide will get out red wine, tomato sauce and anything else an italian restaurant can coat your white shirt in. Better than bleach b/c it doesn't turn things yellow and doesn't leave a smell. Apply and rub with a Q tip for tiny stains or soak in it for large ones. Also works great on blood stains and I've safely used it on my cream colored carpet many a time.
Two corrections:
1. Yes, it does make a difference if coffee has been left out for too long, even if it is poor coffee. Coffee left on the burner slowly becomes more and more sludgey and opaque. It aso starts tasting noticably more like... well, shit. Wawa employees are instructed to hold the coffee pots up to the light, and when they turn opaque, to change the coffee. Even then, it's too late. Go to a diner at ten-thirty at night and tell them you don't mind whether or not the coffee is fresh. Let's see if you can tell me how little time-left-out matters when your mouth has been glued shut by tar-like Bitterness Concentrate!
2. In "Folsom Prison Blues", the gentleman who was killed was killed in *Reno*, not Vegas! Get your Cash straight!
My advice and hints:
1) Don't pick at it.
2) Use the emergency brake when pulling out from a stop on steep hills. Easy it off as you ease off the clutch.
3) Don't try to make mayonnaise during a thunderstorm.
and finally
4) Rubbing a cut walnut on a scratched table or other piece of wood furniture will often help to hide most scratches.
Oh thank god, someone who shares my views on Starbucks coffee. Horrible, horrible, vile stuff.
I don't know how useful my advice is, but here you go:
Everything tastes better when it's cooked in cast iron cookware.
Put a cap full of lemon juice on a sliced apple or pear to keep it from turning brown. Cinnamon wil also work, but you need to like cinnamon-coated apples or pears.
Things always look better after a Five Star Fruit & Nut bar. Always.
A tip for dealing with tea, you say? Well, I am generally pretty useless, but tea I can handle.
1) If you've decided that you want to get into the tea-drinking habit, great! Just don't decide that you're going to give up coffee entirely immediately and substitute tea for it and be all healthy, la la la. You will be back on the java within a week. Try to transition slowly to a life that includes both tea and coffee. (I say this having viewed my friends; I myself hate coffee, hence the tea drinking.)
2) If you're making tea with a teabag using the microwave, first nuke the water, THEN put the teabag in for steeping. The tea will taste much better. But...
3) Teabags are made with the dregs of loose tea. They're not horrible, per se -- Freya knows I go through them enough at work. But loose tea tastes better, honest.
4) If you're going to get into loose tea, forget the cute little filters shaped like balls and houses and the like. They will warp and eventually refuse to close, and/or be difficult to use. Get the little open-top filters that fit inside the mouth of a cup or a teapt, and dump your tea in there. Much easier.
5) Darjeeling tea is the most scrumptious non-caloric thing in the world if it's properly steeped...otherwise it's bitter and disgusting. If you're making it, watch it steep and remove the tea leaves/bag just after the water becomes a warm golden brown. Some teas can steep forever and still taste pretty good -- Darjeeling is not one.
6) Men often like stronger teas, such as peony or chrysanthemum. If you've been trying to get the boyfriend or husband into tea and he's resisting, try the stronger stuff.
7) Pearl jasmine tea costs the earth, but it is goooooood.
8) Teakettles like to drip when they pour. So do teapots. There are little gadgets that can help catch the drips, but do try to find a teakettle that promises it can resist them.
9) Straight (looseleaf) chai -- just tea and water, no milk/vanilla/honey/whatever -- is often excellent for troubled sinuses. Try the Tazo looseleaf brand. I believe it has black pepper in it. Anyway, bracing stuff.
10) Throwing a party, need some tea and have access to a proper tea shop? Ask if they have artisan teas -- one giant jerry-rigged bud per use. You can keep pouring hot water over them and they'll produce new pots of tea. And they look really cool when they unfold -- try one in a glass teapot and your child will think there's an alien in the house.
11) The little adjustable measuring spoon that goes from a teaspoon to a tablespoon? It is your friend. Pay the money; it will be worth the expenditure.
And, lastly:
12) You say you don't like tea? I'm not terribly fond of Lipton myself. There are umpteen variations of tea -- black, green, white, red, herbal -- that taste very, very different. If you find yourself near a tea shop, try some variations. Trust me when I say that genmaicha (green tea with roasted rice), pearl jasmine, melon white and rooibos teas do not taste like orange pekoe tea. If you've half-heartedly meant to get into tea after hearing about the health benefits (a recent study indicated that green tea may help ward off ovarian cancer), then seek out a tea that you like. Drinking tea should not be a chore and really does not have to be. I swear.
Off to make a nice pot of rose tea...
How to pill a cat without a towel:
Grasp cat firmly under the armpits.
Kneel on the floor, preferably in a smallish room so that if cat does get away from you, you can catch him again.
Put cat in between your calves, with his butt toward your feet and his head toward your knees.
Sit on cat.
Squeeze inward with inner thighs.
Use non-dominant hand to grasp kitty by the top of the head, sliding the thumb and middle fingers into the gaps behind the canines.
This will force kitty to open his mouth (and if there will be claws involved, this is the time they might come out).
With dominant hand, toss pill down kitty's throat.
Quickly pull fingers of non-dominant hand out of kitty's mouth and hold muzzle shut.
Stroke throat to encourage swallowing. Alternatively, rub nose.
When you see the tongue come out to clean the nose, they had to swallow the pill.
How to make great popcorn:
1. Put a large soup pot on the stove on high heat (the largest burner if you have a gas stove)
2. Pour in enough oil (I like canola) to cover the bottom of the pot
3. Pour in enough popcorn kernels to cover the bottom of the pot
4. Salt the popcorn kernels well (yes, before they are popped)
5. Cover the pot and wait until popping finishes (you can shake the pot once or twice during popping to get all the unpopped kernels to the bottom)
6. Enjoy excellent, salty popcorn!
"Sit on cat." Yay.
Meals on Wheels for Babies Who Hate Vegetables:
1. Chop up a pound of spinach and about three large carrots.
2. Dump resulting carnage in a Cuisinart or blender but don't blend yet.
3. Throw in the following:
Two eggs
1/2 cup of whole wheat flour
1/2 cup of cooked brown rice
3/4 cup shredded mozzarella
2 Tbs olive oil
Pinch of salt, pinch of pepper
Pinch of rosemary
4. Blend until you get a coarse green gunk.
5. Heat olive oil (about 2 T) in a pan
6. Form batter into small pancakes and fry in oil, about 2 minutes a side
7. Allow to cool. Put in tupperware and freeze, or hand to toddler immediately, or pack and bring in minivan.
8. Voila--insta-meal!
WHEW! Deep breath... here goes...
Manogirl: Shallot Salt is the best idea I never heard of before. Now I can sprinkle shallots in EVERYTHING!
DoctorMama, I also expected some wildly good advice to come from your direction. Not that the pressure's on or anything. Now get advising!
Jesse: Have you had that much blood on your carpet?!
Jozet: I'm trying not to pick at it, really, but I can't help myself. To take it a step further, if you mean business, dip your fingers in lemon juice and let dry. THAT'LL teach you not to pick at it.
And lastly, Jo, catching crabs is very similar, except they're stupider than crawdads: tie a piece of raw chicken on a string and drop it in the water where the crabs are. When they latch on, you can just pull them up, because they're too stubborn to let go. Or, you can go have wild sex with the first ten strangers you see and statistically, you should catch all the crabs you need!
Disclaimer - I'M NOT A VET.
If a dog eats something they should not have {chocolate for example, not shoes} give them hydrogen peroxide and take them outside because frothy forbbiden food is on the way {30lb dog = 1oz shot +15 minutes}.
This is my depression-fixing grilled cheese sandwich recipe. Ass my hips will attest, I use this a lot during the winter.
Set pan on burner on medium heat. If you're on an electric stove (damn apartment living) put it juuuust below medium.
While pan heats, cover both sides of 2 pieces of bread with a THIN layer of margarine (Yes, I know. This is the ONLY thing I use that crap for, because it spreads easier.)
Place bread in pan. When margarine on the UPside of the bread has completely melted, wait about 3 more minutes, then flip. Place sliced (NO, not grated) cheese on toasted side. I like extra sharp cheddar or a muenster/blue mix or Velveeta on rainy days. (just trust me)
Toss sliced onions or a tomato or whatever on there if you're feelin' feisty. Just remember, this makes flipping a little more difficult down the line.
Check out the underside of the bread - once it has browned, carefully scoot the empty piece of bread onto the cheese-filled bread, but don't flip it! You want to use all that heat it has built up. Yes, I'm a little compulsive in my sandwich making, why do you ask?
Carefully flip the whole sandwich a couple of times until cheese has acquired the right state of ooziness.
Move to plate. Let the sandwich sit for a few minutes while you pour yourself a nice big mug of Soup Of Choice. Cut sandwich diagonally. Dip in soup often. I assure you, life will look better when you're done.
Ok here you go. To get stains, scratches, watermarks off of wood furniture: First of all, I don't want to ruin your grandmother's beautiful antique dry sink or whatever so please do a test swipe on the underside to make sure this won't ruin your finish. Get yourself some extra fine steel wool, tear off a smallish piece and soak it in olive oil (or whatever kitchen oil you have lying around should work). Rub the steel wool and oil gently onto scratches or marks and they should come right off. Even big gouges will look a bit better.
Bihari, that sounds like a great idea. I am going to try it. I have been using a sort of similar technique involving a placing cooked spinach and tomato juice in a blender and pouring puree into cooked lentils and rice. It works pretty well, but woe betide the mommy who tries to put anything "chunky" into this mess (ie cashews, raisins, etc.). You'd think this would be a no brainer but I myself love the cashews and raisins so I've started to mix them in separately after (annoying, since the raisins must be cooked, I've been using an asparagus strainer to separate the food she'll eat from the food she won't eat). Perhaps I should dump the whole thing in the blender.
Does anyone know of a whole cookbook for children who hate vegetables? We got pretend soup, but Mollie seems to think that they'll eat whatever you put in front of them.
To get the smell of garlic off of your fingers, rub them against stainless steel.
And put your friends on your blogroll.
My favorite thing to do to mushrooms:
Brown Rice Mushroom Stuff
1 can beef broth
1 can beef consumme
1 can water chestnuts, sliced
1 can sliced shrooms
1 cup uncooked brown rice
1 stick butter
Put butter in 9x9 pan and put in 350 degree oven til melted. Pour the rest of the ingredients over the butter and mix. Bake at 350 for a hour or until it looks done.
Some people may think it's sacrilege to use canned mushrooms, but I am extremely lazy, so I don't care. Brown rice is yummy, especially all buttery like this, and I love water chestnuts.
Bihari, can I just order some of those things from you? I was doing ok until I got to the "cooked brown rice" part. Where in the hell am I supposed to find cooked brown rice? What, I'm supposed to cook it in advance? That involves two separate cooking activities, which pretty much rules it out for me.
Sarlivesound, I've got advice aplenty -- I'm just lazy. So I'll link to how to fix a nosebleed.
What else ... a neat trick for breaking a face-picking habit: put a really low-watt lightbulb in your bathroom. Sounds dumb, but works. And you'll think you look really hot, like in the dressing rooms of fancy stores. Doesn't matter if it's not true, because it's the attitude that counts.
And to clean out a coffee thermos with one of those fancy sealing tops, use hot water and powdered dishwasher detergent. Shake a little through, let sit, shake, let sit, etc.
Am I off the hook yet?
1. If your shrimp scampi or chicken piccata or whatever is coming out more sour than buttery-lemony, add lemon zest and more salt than you think you'd need, and use less juice.
2. For perfectly steamed asparagus, wrap a medium to large bunch in 5 or 6 paper towels, run under the tap, place on plate and microwave for 4 minutes. Be careful when removing because towels will be Hot Hot Hot!
3. To get tinny taste out of homemade tomato sauce, add a teensy pinch of baking soda to the mix.
4. If you do the Jaws sound (duh-nuh, duh-nuh) while you slowly move in to kiss your 4-month-old, the baby will soon start grinning as soon as he hears the sound.
Washing cloth diapers: cold rinse. Hot wash with 1 Tbsp of Charlie's soap powder and 1/8 cup bleach. Extra rinse. Tumble dry.
Tomato paste: open both ends of the can with the can opener and use one silver can opener discard disk to push the paste through the tube.
Clean fake flowers in a large bag with about a cup of salt. Seal the bag and shake, shake shake.
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